Leaving Independence
I made the jump to independence with mismatched expectations. Mismatched in the sense that I set out to just make my salary as an independent contractor.
In practice, I ended up making significantly more than I ever imagined I could with the type of work I do, in about half the time.
That might sound like a humble-brag, but people who know me will tell you I would never brag about the amount of money I make. It's not how I was raised.
I am an asshole in many aspects of life, but money is not something you flaunt. It just feels wrong.
Anyway, making that amount of money genuinely caught me by surprise—I was making bank, with the freedom of running my own business, and with the pleasure of being able to say "I built this from scratch." This is a powerful, intoxicating, terrible thing to happen to a person not ready for it.
It provided me with the luxury of being able to buy tools and hire people to grow the business, but also with the responsibility of keeping these people employed, these tools used, and the customers coming.
This contrast taught me two things:
I love the sales aspect of the business, and the work that has to do with creative content creation/messaging & positioning. I can spend hours doing that, kind of like when I started coding. It's a flow state for me.
I hate the operational aspect of the business, and I NEED people to help me with that. Luckily Roza came along early on to help me out, and I pay her four months in advance every time to make sure no one else comes in and snatches her time from me.
When you understand what you like and what you don't about independence, you are left—in essence—with one task: how to maximize the good stuff and minimize the bad stuff.
After getting to a point where I felt I was maxing out on the good, however, I learned a third thing: I love the good fight.
I love the knife-between-the-teeth attitude that startups have, and as a contractor a lot of the time you're in the wings; you're not in the trenches, doing hand-to-hand combat with each deal to get it through, with each partner to get them hooked, with each campaign to get it perfect.
Your responsibility is low, and if you're good you get to charge a lot for the fractional value you give. But you also are not "a part of it." You're not in it to win it—you're in it to make a buck.
After much contemplation and long conversations with my wife, I feel like I want to go back and fight the good fight.
Independence did not "do it" for me—it didn't give me that satisfaction I was looking for, being part of a team, working towards a goal, playing to win.
I'm terrified and excited at the same time.
I am ready.